The Middle Wife

 

 

 

 

This story has found its way into my mail box so many times and each time I read it it brings joy to me… in a way only little children can. If only I could go back to that state of openness and awareness I can live in bliss for ever.

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.She holds up a snapshot of an infant..

'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First,  Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my  Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my  Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) 'And then, pop!  My  Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from  Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

Ever once in while this email pops into my inbox and I am determined to preserve it in my journal so that I can always be inspired by the simple and matter of fact way view of Birth

High Risk Love Making…

"High-risk Lovemaking"

a mini-play

excerpted from Jock Doubleday's book

HUSBAND and WIFE passionately take off each other's clothes. WIFE reacts with alarm to HUSBAND's potbelly.

WIFE: How many French fries did you eat tonight?!

HUSBAND: Oh, about 200 . . .

WIFE: How many have you eaten since childhood?

HUSBAND: Uh, I don't know.

WIFE: You could die of a heart attack at any time! You could die tonight while we're making high-aerobic love! And I could die from a broken rib, you're so heavy!

HUSBAND: I've gained a lot of weight since high school.

WIFE: I don't think a heart attack for you or a punctured lung for me sounds too good, do you?

HUSBAND: No.

WIFE: I think our lovemaking has become just too risky, dear. I've been thinking . . .

HUSBAND: You have?

WIFE: Actually, no. I haven't been thinking. I've been talking with my friends. And my friends say that the best thing to do in a high-risk lovemaking situation is to go to the hospital.

HUSBAND: Huh?

WIFE: We're talking about life-threatening love, here, honey! Our home has become too dangerous for us safely to engage in our usual acrobatic sacred union. What better place than the hospital to make worry-free gymnastic love?

HUSBAND: Uh . . .

WIFE: We'll pack our things, bundle ourselves in the car, and drive to the hospital! It'll be fun, like a camping trip! We'll rent one of those hygienic operating rooms for two or three hours. Professionals will be bustling about on errands of mercy, and you and I will descend into our animal selves. Are we a zebra? Are we a lion? Nurses to take care of our every need! "Have a glass of water" . . . "Have some anesthesia." I think it would be just plain foolish to suffer painful injury just because we didn't bite the financial bullet and hire the necessary technicians to stand guard over our chandelier-swinging copulations.

HUSBAND: Uh . . .

WIFE: And once we feel truly safe – as one always does in the hospital – we can plumb the deep depths of our sexual natures! We can push the envelope of the sexual experience in a way that's impossible for fearful home-bound lovers to do! We can create our own Kama Sutra! We'll call it Calmly Sutured! Wow, I just made that up! I'm a neologist as well as an ideologue! ha ha! I've always loved the feel of starched sheets on my bare bottom! Talk about primal! I'm getting excited just thinking about hospital love!

HUSBAND: Honey?

WIFE: Yes?

HUSBAND: Uh . . .

WIFE: Could you hurry up? Our sex lives are ticking away!

HUSBAND: The thing is . . . I don't know if I can make love with strangers watching.

WIFE: Strangers!! They're not strangers, dear, they're professionals! Anyway, if you can't get it up, we'll just have you induced.

HUSBAND: Induced?

WIFE: Jody's husband gets shots. But you can have pills. Whatever. Any drug will do to get the "engine" running! Just stick your butt in the air or lie on your back and open your mouth, and five minutes later you're ready to roll! And if the drugs don't work, one of the surgeons can make a little cut in your penis . . .

HUSBAND: Uh . . .

WIFE: Not a big cut, dear, just a little cut. A little cut to insert a state-of-the-art inflation device. Some quick stitches, pump you up, and you're ready to go! There are all sorts of things doctors can do these days to keep your pathological shyness from ruining our sex lives. It's the technological age!

HUSBAND: You know, honey, the more I think about it, the more the idea of making love in our own bed sounds pretty good.

WIFE: But we're high risk, darling! Can't you see? We shouldn't have to miss out on all that safety just because you want to make love in your comfy old bed! Why do you think lovemaking technology exists in the first place? So people can ignore it and have sex at home? We have to take advantage of our high-tech culture's arsenal of drugs, tools, and procedures for the betterment of the health of love! We have to be modern!

HUSBAND: What if I get an infection from that "little cut"?

WIFE: Don't worry about it!

HUSBAND: Oh. Okay. But how risky is my potbelly, really?

WIFE: It's not just your potbelly, dear, it's the whole gamut! Anything can happen! We could fall off the bed and get concussions! We could die! There are all sorts of ways to see home-based love as high risk.

HUSBAND: Okay, well, let's say we did make love in the hospital. Do you think the staff would let us dim the lights?

WIFE: Of course not! How would they know when to intervene if they couldn't see every inch of our flesh at all times? How would they know what tools to ready, what machines to switch on, what lotions to warm, if they couldn't witness every detail of our lovemaking sessions from every angle, acute and obtuse? Call me an exhibitionist, but I think you'll have to agree that it would be downright dangerous not to have the brightest possible fluorescent lights illuminating our deepest crevices and offering for public view our every conjugal entanglement. Do you remember that night when you hit me in the eye with your elbow?

HUSBAND: I regret it to this day.

WIFE: It's just not safe to make the beast with two backs without some serious medical technology around! Even the Bible says sex is dangerous!

HUSBAND: It does?

WIFE: Phyllis said so. Anyway, if we're able to avoid the perils of high-risk lovemaking, we're not just helping ourselves, we're helping others. Think of our children! Where would they be if we got injured or died during one of our nightly cucarachas? Black eyes! Broken ribs! Cardiac arrests! In the hospital, if my heart stops during one of my myriad bone-cracking orgasms, the nurses can just jam one of those big needles into my chest! Don't you see? The hospital institution is our culture's answer to the phenomenal dangers of hot sex! They have ice packs and everything! I can honestly say that I look forward to atrial dysfunction, and its attendant loss of consciousness, so that I can be magically revived by cutting-edge technology!

HUSBAND: Dear, I guess I just have to say that, after much thought, I'm not really ready for hospital lovemaking.

WIFE: Then we're never having sex again.

HUSBAND: I'll pack my jockstrap.

WIFE: The sweaty one from high school? I adore it! I'll pack my cheerleading outfit! Remember that night?

HUSBAND: It burns in my mind.

WIFE: I truly admire your newfound devotion to copulatory technology, honey. You're a man of your age.

HUSBAND: You're my inspiration, darling.

WIFE: I can't wait to find out what the nurses think of your jockstrap! Now, let's get to the hospital and have some really hot, really safe, sex!

(The above mini-play is excerpted from the chapter, "You're not fooled by the term 'high risk,'" in Jock Doubleday's book, Spontaneous Creation: 101 Reasons Not to Have Your Baby in a Hospital, Vol. 1: A Book about Natural Childbirth and the Birth of Wisdom and Power in Childbearing Women www.SpontaneousCreation.org)

Unborn Babies respond to Mothers Moods

A recent article in the Mail Online said

Why pregnant film fans should stick to happy movies

Always remember the elder and older giving advice to the pregnant women … to be happy, read ‘good’ books, think ‘good’ thoughts … and now this article is also on the same lines…

There is enough evidence that says that babies are intrinsically linked to the mothers body, emotions and moods. Time and again there have been studies about how the baby grows not just in body but as a complete human being right from the moment of conception. Surprisingly very little attention is paid to that aspect of pregnancy.

Nature in its wisdom, gets mom to do a lot instinctively a lot of bonding work with the baby yet there is so much more that we miss out on with today's fast and furious life.

Yet another interesting finding about the baby’s brain having twice as much connections at birth as an adult… Finally we know that the babies are born smart and by the time they live through our world .. we manage to dumb them up.

And lastly, while we mindfully eat to grow the baby’s body, should we feed his soul with a little slice of awareness, higher consciousness, spirituality, faith or humanity.. whatever it is that is your thing.

And if you have stayed around to read right through this blog up to this point … jump right in…and send in your comments and suggestion

http://birthindiatraining.com/lms/

Sign in as a guest and look around the Prenatal Bonding : Open Forum.

As always… happy reading.

Delayed Cutting of Cord: Study

 

Research on Delayed Cutting of cord

The Star.com carried an article on delayed cutting of cord. It begins wonderfully

“A few more minutes of maternal attachment may give newborns months of significant health benefits, according to a new McMaster University study that urges doctors not to cut umbilical cords immediately after birth.”

It lists all the benefits of this delay, it talks of the relevance of the study and there are these two things that catch my eye…

"It's an intervention that has the potential to have a (positive) impact on a large number of babies and at a very low cost," Hutton said. "This benefits the baby without any real down sides for mom."

It is an intervention..HUH ?!? let me get this straight -  the delaying of cutting of the cord is an intervention. With all due respect from where I stand the immediate cutting of the cord is the “INTERVENTION”. Its getting beyond absurd. The intervention to the intervention… or something like that.

So basically Hutton ( bless him ) is saying

don’t rush in and cut the cord.

I think I like that. Also the article concludes;  "It's one of those areas where parents can have probably quite a large influence in terms of changing practice."

Hmmmm  Interesting …

Re Programming

 

Spent an amazing four days at Elena Birthshop in Mumbai. Interestingly, there were 11 wonderful women there for all different reasons but really… were the right women at the at the right time… Something beyond this real/virtual realm is always at play. The workshop was about LIMBIC IMPRINTING.

The Limbic Imprint

Why is it critical for us to understand the importance of healthy, happy gestation and birth? Why is it important to make every effort to eliminate the birth trauma from the delivery room? Is it affecting us? How?

Well, it does affect us, in a very big way.The new baby, way before the birth day, during it and right after, is an extremely sensitive being, in fact, more sensitive than he or she will ever be during the adult life. And not only able to have all those sensations and feelings, but also to not-cognitively remember them! Our early impressions stay with us for the rest of our lives, for better or for worse. Twenty five years of thorough research and studies in the field of prenatal psychology show undoubtedly a direct correlation between the way we were born and the subconscious behavioral and emotional patterns in our adult lives. This is due to the mechanism called "limbic imprint".

The Doula Effect

 

 

 

If a doula were a drug, it would be unethical not to use it.
~ John H. Kennell

 

        3 men in Pronita’s Life

It was one of those times where, what I called “the Doula Effect” happened. I was getting my things together after a Saturday evening class…( 16th of January 2010 ) when Pronita walked in, and just plopped herself in a chair. She was so ready to have her second baby. I was there for the birth of the first one. We got talking and she said she remembered that my being there had helped… so would I be there for this time.

Did I want to be there .. absolutely. Foggy Delhi in January so all I wanted was a ride when ever she needed me. A week later, I got a message from the father to be that they had been in the hospital all night and that would it be ok for me to come…so car arrived and I got to the hospital at 7:30 am. The doctor had checked and she was 5 cm at 7:15am.

Here she was lying in her bed saying ‘well even though its been a night where she could not sleep, but it was ok.’ Sometimes, when the mom is saying that.. In my head a voice is saying .. ok watch now…

Sure enough as she sat on the chair just a little after 7:40am it was just as if she was waiting for me…there was a different speed in baby time. Within the next 20 minutes she was ready to bring this baby here.

It felt as if she was waiting for me. And it feels amazing to think that. Wonderful birth, true knot in the cord, dad completely caught up and sure the mom did her thing… gave birth.

Celebration of Life

A wonderful day organised by Chennai Birth Network on 21st November 2009. This was a day spent in the company of Penny Simkin and a lot many more wonderful women bringing their own brand of energy and passion for birth.

There is reason to celebrate each day of our lives …not just the good parts but just being alive and this fantastic ability to feel. Even when that feeling is PAIN.

Penny taught me something rather significant

We can feel pain without suffering and suffering without pain. Its something to reflect on as we move through life predefining how we will or are supposed to feel without actually pausing and clearing out this rubbish to make room for real real feelings.

and here is an interesting concept

To quote Frederick Wirth in his book Prenatal Parenting;

In The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell states, “The one thing that is constant in all myths of the world is that at the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation.” At our darkest moments of despair comes the light of understanding. The same thought is expressed in the poem The Prophet, where Kahlil Gibran states, “Pain is the bitter pill of the inner physician that cracks the shell of our understanding.” How can a seed grow into a flower unless the seed swells and dies? Learning new ways to live and love is associated with crises and pain that force us to let go of old behaviours and beliefs in order to pass over a threshold to new understanding. This is the quest story’s inner passage of growth that transcends all societies.

In Western society we seem to have lost our appreciation of darkness as a process for finding light, . . .

The word pregnant means having possibilities. . .

It is a significant period, rich in momentous possibilities for psychological and spiritual development. you must be willing to forgo old concepts to learn new. This can be painful, but like your unborn child you have the capacity to endure it.

So with nothing else to say for now except thinking Deepa Santosh, my birth friend from Chennai for inviting me to this day and sending me the lovely pictures … YAY!