I share with you a letter from a wonderful mom, recovering from her birth, I wish to salute her for understanding what she went through and coming up stronger and wiser.
Dearest Sarojini and Divya,
Hi! How are you? No, I have not forgotten you. I have not been able to sneak a moment to call or write to you. Also, my experience of the birthing was not exactly happy and I wish to forget it as a bad dream. hence I didn't want to talk about it. Here I am writing to both of you as I want to tell you the same things.
First of all, thank you so so much for your immense support. It was a blessing to have you by my side. I got so stressed in my last few days of pregnancy that your words gave me strength to keep me going. Truly, it was a very trying time for me.
As I said that I want to put the birthing experience behind me. So, in a nut shell, we waited till the last day of 42nd week with 24 hrs of release of membrane and surges happening in an erratic fashion. And the doctor said that the head hadn't engaged and I had opened 2cm in 24 hrs. She also felt the labour was a false one. So on the last day of 42nd week in the afternoon it was decided to go for caesarian. Seriously, I didn't know what it meant. Both Pram and I were emotionally drained. I opted to have an epidural so that I could see my baby come out, but when the cathedar was inserted I lost it and had no courage to go through it. So I opted for general anesthesia. And for 45 minutes I was knocked out. When i opened my eyes I saw my son next to me in the doctor's arms.I fed him. And then I realised the excruciating pain I was in. The next 3 days were traumatic. I was totally clueless what the post-surgery time is like. Two people were helping me all the time to get up and lye down, walk and go to the bathroom. My world had pretty much collapsed. I had a lovely pregnancy and I enjoyed being pregnant. The birthing experience shattered me. And disappointed me. For the first few days I kept wondering if I had actually given "birth". I was struggling with the thouught that I am my baby's mother and that I have given "birth" to him. That was painful, too.
Though I want to put the above behind me and forget about it, I have definitely learnt a lot of lessons from it. Couldn't help speculating.. One, I had looked down upon c-section and doctors who opted for it. Two, I had taken on everything in my hands regarding the natural and divine process of birthing, not leaving things to God and nature. Third, during my pregnancy I kept running away from lot of "negativity" and negative people in turn I had become very negative. My karma gave me what I went through. Fourth, be prepared for the worst also.
I am fine now pain wise. My body is very shapeless right now. Apparently, my stomach had become so large that my uterus and the birth path were not aligned. God knows!
My son is wonderful. A real darling. Very understanding, I'd say. Just wants his feed and sleeps/plays. He is 5 weeks now. We have named him Aadi. Meaning the beginning, first one, endless, important.. He is my world now and am with him round the clock. So, it is very difficult to make calls now, even take a bath or go for a long nature's call!.. As I am writing to you Param is putting him off to sleep. My mom was here to help for the first 4 weeks. Now it just three of us. Sending a three of his photographs.
That's it for now. Shall call sometime. Please do let me know when you're visiting bangalore. Would love to meet you.
Again, can not thank you enough for your unconditional support. I am greatful and honoured to have your support.
LoveShruti
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