Men at Birth

A leading newspaper ran a news article on how 'medical expert' warned men not to watch their wife give birth.
(http://www.hindustantimes.com/News-Feed/relationships/Don-t-watch-your-wife-give-birth/Article1-467179.aspx) .

This first came to my notice when an expectant mom, worriedly seeked advice on a birth network group. Here is my two cent worth

Dr. Odent is am amazing man and well he may be right in many cases however, there are no experts in birth. The woman is the expert on what she needs in her birth. What she wants is support and if the father is in tune with Birth being an important and life changing event, and feels the need to be there for and be connected with the mother then he should be there.
There is a distinct difference between men 'being' in labour rooms to see their baby being born (sometimes forced since its now expected of them to participate in labour) and 'being' there with their wife/partner for the birth of their baby. The key to Dr. Odent's comments lies in its subtle but extremely important distinction.

Perhaps Dr. Odent is talking about how the intrinsic nature of men and women are different, how they perceive and process the birth differently. Please note that Dr. Odent is a male OB and a pioneer in the field of primal birth movement. He is perhaps speaking in terms of the birthing space filled with woman energies. Its is traditional for women to support other women in labour...after all 'Birth is women Business'.

Having said that, as a doula I have seen husbands to be one of the most amazing support person. They are in those labour rooms holding, touching, encouraging, calming the moms. Sometimes they just sit they holding her hand, looking in her eyes.These father want to be there, the Birth of this baby is a significant event of their lives and the bonding created in the moments of raw vulnerability is also a milestone in their relationship.

But please remember birth is hard work and so the support should be willing and voluntary. Also, birth is sensual in nature... the positions women take, the nakedness, the openness, the sounds they make, the movements of their bodies do challenge the norms of modesty. So once again its what couples believe is important, their acceptance of every aspect of birth is important.

A lot will depend on what Birth means to the mother and the father. How they prepare, what their expectations are; not just from the process of birth but each other. What strength and pain means to each one of them. The key is communication, Birth is primal and so to prepare for birth on a emotional level, its good to "lay it bare" since that's exactly what birth will be in many ways. Each couple will find their own place in terms of participation and support and to generalise about human relationships especially the relationship of men and women is absurd. Since women want choices the same is true for men. Forcing them one way or the other would be the bigger problem.

Women have the wisdom of birth. In that moment they move deep inside,many say they did not care who was there.. these are women whose birth spaces have been protected by supporting hands. While others are disappointed and have a long term sense of loss of lack of the same. To bring expectation of any kind into birth is like creating a precondition, practically make a boundary. That's the exact opposite of what birth needs. To know whether your husband should be there or not...Well that's something only the two of you can decide, just like every thing thats intimate, this should be a private matter. You can seek our view but let no one tell you what is right since only you both are the expert on your relationship, Communicate, explore, prepare and let go... And most of all, birth in love and faith.

A few weeks later he was the opening statement on another leading newspapers article on childbirth. "prospective fathers should not attend the birth of their children as it makes labour more painful for the woman" (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/msid-5208079,prtpage-1.cms).

I have admired, read and evolved on Dr. Odent's theories, it was very hard to accept this at face value. For the sake of curiosity I search both the papers website with his name.
RESULT: Each time the above mentioed article was the only time they had ever quoted him.. I am thinking what about continous care, waterbirth amongst others.

In my minds eye I remember Dr. Odent smiling, in the 70 or 80's film "Knowing the Unborn" , talking about how when moms are happy babies are happy. He has a mischievious smile as he says in his French accent "is there a recipie to be happy".

Also want to include an article from Dr. Odent in Midwifery Today
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/fatherpart.asp
this explores the question of men being present at birth. Some of the comments have been the basis of the Quotes in our newspaper articles but there is an entire context that they have failed to mention. Especially the part where he begins the article saying
"A century ago, when most babies were born at home, such a question would have been deemed irrelevant. At that time, everybody knew that childbirth is "women's business." The husband was given a practical task, such as spending hours boiling water, but he was not involved in the birth itself.

Today, the same question is still deemed irrelevant, even stupid. At the dawn of the 21st century, everybody knows about the importance of the active role of the father in the "birth of a family" Most women cannot even imagine giving birth without the participation of their "partner." We have heard countless wonderful stories of "couples giving birth." Fathers are welcome in the most conventional delivery rooms."

Interestingly in response to the worried inquiry on the birth network (birthindia yahoo groups) some one said that media was about sensationalising ... I have to AGREE

In fact In August 1999 they had an entire issue on the presence and participation of fathers
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/magazine/issue51.asp