Pregnancy is a time of great Possibility…

A Father’s Birth Story

Pregnancy is a time of great Possibility… It’s not just the creation of a Person but also creation of the Parent. While the father writes the Birth story of his princesses it apparent how he becomes the father of this child. The changes are both apparent and subtle…

Myra’s birth story

- Neha and Rohit Sharma

Neha and I greeted the news of our daughter’s conception with a lot of joy and nervousness. There were many questions that both of us had. We were looking for a child birth educator and “Lamaze” was something that appealed to my left brain, however for some reasons we did not take up those classes offered by our hospital.

Those were hot months of April, May, June 2010 and Neha was going through the most irritable state of being in first trimester but bravely managing home and self, while I was flying to Mumbai every week for my project.

Divya’s name was suggested by Neha’s bhabhi, Shweta and she highly recommended Hypnobirthing course with Divya. Being the rationally wired engineer, I was skeptical when I heard of the term “Hypno Birthing”. I had associated the word hypnosis with sundry magicians and parlor tricks and was barely aware of the therauptic applications of hypnosis.

However, time was running out and we decided to meet Divya on a balmy August evening at GK. She was kind enough to accommodate us on a short notice and gave us a very patient explanation of the concept. However, we were not convinced that this is right for us. Neha had always felt that the suggestions do not work for her and she cannot vividly visualize herself in a particular situation even if she tries. Divya gave us an option of doing 1 session with her, and then decide. We both agreed.

The first session on a fateful Sunday changed all that. The lemon visualization Divya gave us was extremely powerful and we were immediate converts to Hypnobirthing. Divya also explained a lot of things scientifically including the evolution of Hypnobirthing and how Mrs Mongan conceived the course. The Hypnobirthing CD was an immediate hit with Neha and she found it to have an amazingly soothing effect on her.

Divya explained to us that the imagery about child birth that we carry in our minds is a product of popular media and far from the truth or real possibilities for women. Our thoughts are shaped by the media we consume and the thoughts then shape our body’s physical responses. We can vouch for the truth of this statement. Before we met Divya, Neha had almost all the pregnancy symptoms described in “What to expect when you are expecting”, with a healthy dose of education and positive imagery from Divya, all these vanished after just two sessions of Hypnobirthing. Then on, Neha’s pregnancy was calmer, she was able to handle the occasional morning sickness and heartburns. Most of all she became confident about her natural abilities and instincts to deal with the process of having a baby.

We started bonding with our baby, Divya shared a CD about baby’s life in the womb and how the baby recognizes voices of parents. She also gave us various handouts. The one which worked most for me was “A father’s promise”. I was greatly moved by it and would read it to Myra often.

Neha started practicing her breathing exercises. I got my project changed to Delhi and started spending more time with Neha. Sessions with Divya drilled into us the significance of the opportunity to bond with baby and each other. Medically everything was fine, all tests were good, baby was gaining weight.

Then in September third week, we had our first scare. Neha was getting motions frequently and when we went for a routine scheduled check up. Suddenly our doctor asked Neha to get admitted for overnight observation as she sensed risk of pre-term. I remember speaking to Divya and her advising us to let doctor observe Neha and be satisfied with tests. We went through the night long NST, drips and injections. I realized how the medical system takes over, and how we were woefully inadequate to fully comprehend and respond to the situation at hand, as nurses went about doing their thing as if on an auto-pilot. Though morning was cheerful and by afternoon we were back at home.

The incident gave us a lot to think about. In some way it was a dress rehearsal of what can go on during the time of actual delivery. We realized that we need to be better prepared, ask more questions to Divya, read the Hypnobirthing book with sincerity and be sure about our birth preferences. I also realized that I need to be assertive and ask the right questions to medical professionals.

We completed all our Hypnobirthing sessions by October end. Neha and I moved to Punjabi Bagh, from where our hospital was close by. Divya offered to come and talk to our doctors about Hypnobirthing. The three doctors were receptive to the concept and I think Divya made an impression on them with her reasoned talk. As a result doctors agreed to various requests, and were more open to our queries as they sensed we are serious about preparations and preferences, and comprehend the effort required from our side as well.

We were extremely fortunate in getting probably the best team of doctors to work with us during the course of entire pregnancy. This was a panel of 3 Gynae-obstetricians, and Neha had very good vibes with her doctors. They were most competent, receptive and caring set of medical professionals I have ever seen. I have nothing but appreciation for the team of Dr. Varma, Dr Nitika and Dr. Poonam at Max Healthcare Pitampura.

However, when you are going through a pregnancy, new mothers around you share their experiences which are not always all pleasant. Many people told us that it’s almost impossible to have a natural birth in our hospital. That the hospital goes for C-section at the slightest sight of risk and so on. The constant deluge of negative news dented our optimism once again.

We foolishly contemplated changing the doctors. And so around a week before EDD, we called Divya and shared our fears with her, she re-assured us and said we are well equipped to go through the process of labour and delivery now. She also re-affirmed Neha’s faith and instincts in the doctors. We came back renewed after the kind meeting at Siri Fort Café.

The labor pain started 3 days before EDD, and we went to the hospital for a checkup. Neha was once again asked to be admitted for observation. The doctor said that it seems as if water has broken though she was not sure, and we should get labor induced. Both Neha and I were firm footed that we did not want to get labor induced, and we went through the sonography and NSTs. The sonography results showed adequate liquor and baby weighing more than 4 kgs (with 10% margin of error). We went home happily next morning. This time was much more peaceful than the September hospital visit.

A day after the real labor started, on 27 Nov 2010 morning. Neha continued her breathing exercises and we delayed going to the hospital till 5 pm evening when her surges became more frequent. It was going well till 10:30 in the night, when our doctor came and said you are doing well and lets wait till 5:00 am. Neha was very courageous, we had put on the hypnobirthing affirmations on our laptop in the labour room, and she was changing positions as learned in the HypnoBirthing course.

By 1:00 in the night, Neha was getting exhausted and throwing up. I was worked up with emotions, and it was only hospital’s night staff on duty, our regular doctors were supposed to come back only in the morning or if the junior doctor feels that its time. The junior doctor on duty was skeptical of our efforts and made a disparaging remark, which discouraged us. I called up Divya and she was at her best helping self even past midnight. We must have called her at least 20 times between 12:00 and 6:00 am. The kind of care and commitment she provided was beyond expectations. We consulted her at every step, and with her advise we got the doctor for ARM at around 5:00 am. The surges now became almost unbearable for Neha, but she was resolute.

Around 6:00 am our regular doctors came to the hospital and Neha was taken to Delivery room. The doctors (Dr. Nitika and Dr. Poonam) were very pleased with the situation, and commended Neha for having the courage to go through the natural cycle. They said she looked all poised for a natural delivery. Doctor asked Neha to do squatting to bring baby down.

And then 15 mins later Myra was born, a healthy child of around 3.5 kgs, she recognized my voice as soon as she was born. Her eyes were open and she was looking at doctors and nurses, amused and happy. Neha said that all her pains have magically vanished, and she went to a peaceful sleep, waking up during the day occasionally. Divya visited us at the hospital the next morning. We could feel her immense love for baby Myra, the way she held her.

Neha and Myra were discharged the very next day from the hospital requiring absolutely no medical assistance apart from routine instructions and vaccinations.

In the hindsight going to Divya and doing the Hypnobirthing course was the best step we have taken during Neha’s pregnancy. We should have joined the course pretty early rather than waiting for 5^th month. Also we should have taken the birth preferences sheet more aggressively.

The amount of change in belief system and sticky education that happened during those 5 sessions is un-believable. Best of all it gave us a life long friend, philosopher and guide in the angelic Divya Deswal.

Lessons and Learning

 

With passage of time its becoming more and more clear to me what brings joy in my life. With passage of time its becoming more and ore clear that all I need to do is define what makes me happy… the rest is taken care of.

What I teach in a class and what they learn…Each of my HypnoBirthing moms have taken something unique from my classes while I teach the same structured course each time. Sharing a HB moms birth experience. Its such letters in my inbox that bring me joy and also that I had a tiny part to play.

Hi Divya,
Attached is what I had penned down right after you were over to visit us. Do let me know what you think.
Also wanted to say thank you for your time on the calls, it helps a lot to know how on track we are, and of course your constant encouragement and motivation cheers us up always! Thanks again!
 
Also attached is a picture.
 
Speak to you more soon.
Regards,
Nikita

My birthing experience

I had not thought about what birthing would be like, whilst I was pregnant; experiencing the kicking in the tummy and hearing rhythmic hiccoughs is all that made me realize that the baby is for real!! But of course experienced friends spoke about how it was equally important to start preparing for my birthing experience. …I owe my hypnobirthing classes to a very special friend who was so thoroughly satisfied with Divya Deswal’s pre-natal classes; and so had given me five reminders to call Divya and get enrolled for the next batch. These classes my friend suggested would help me ease out with all the surprise elements and prepare me better for things that I would experience for the first time.

Divya introduced us (my husband and me) to her website www.birthbonds.com, where I read and became familiar about hypnobirthing. It was our choice to go ahead and know more about this on the basis of what we had read. It is amazing how this concept of birthing is all about unlearning what you have heard about painful labour and just learn to believe in yourself, your body and nature to make birthing a very memorable experience.

I also realize how important it is to have a birthing companion who shares or would be ready to understand this concept. I found that companion (and much more than that) in my husband. The classes were so informal where we talked about things important to us, understood our personalities and realized how our body so closely reflects our emotions. I thought I was one of Divya’s most obedient students, who did her assignments regularly, was always well-prepared for her classes (all papers filed up and in order), but little did I know that I needed to let go the feeling of being prepared and of being in complete control of any given situation. That is what a natural birth experience is all about!!

I had been working from home the last two months of my pregnancy, and was always thoroughly engrossed in my work and was amazed how the nine month period, that initially I thought would never end, was just flying by. My last project deliverable was due for the 31^st of January, and I had mentally prepared myself to start my maternity leave on the 1^st of February (Due date: 9^th February). On the 31^st evening, an hour after finishing my last client call and setting up my out-of-office, I started getting surges that I recognized as early labour signs. It is so true that when you are ready for birth both physically and mentally, it will happen. You need to be at ease completely and can never plan this out. The same holds true for me, the day I stopped working ad was free from my work stress, my baby knew that now I would have all my time for him and he chose then to come in our lives!

Through hypnobirthing classes I had learnt a lot about keeping your calm by doing a lot of birthing exercises and my husband’s role as a birthing companion aided me during the entire labour period. When my surges began I felt completely in control with the breathing exercises, of course there were periods of discomfort too, and my labour went over for a good 28 hours. But we had mentally prepared our minds to have a normal delivery,, and we opted against taking any pain killers to experience a complete and natural birthing experience, both for the benefit of my child and myself, and this just kept us going through out.

To be frank if it was not for my husband, standing next to me throughout those hours, encouraging me with the rightly chosen words, I would not have been able to pull through. He knew me well and motivated me with the just right words to keep going.

What I learnt through this birthing experience is that you should never underestimate your physical strength, and go that extra mile to have the most wonderful experience, that you will be proud of your entire life. It is also important to be aware and familiarize yourself with hypnobirthing and other encouraging aids that help make this such a memorable experience.

My lessons for life through this experience that will help me keep my sane in all testing times are: 1) it is important to ‘let go’, 2) you cannot control it all, and 3) let nature help you out in the way it deems fit.

Good luck and happy parenting!!

Nikita Seth Arora

I am Grateful…

 

Yesterday the Indian Express Eye carried an article on doulas. As I opened the page at first flush I was delighted to see my picture and a good one too… I am grateful to Praveen from IE for making me look normal… usually that’s a challenge. And the writer Nupur for bringing doulas to the forefront.

Then I was even happier to see my friends in it .. Lina, I am grateful for you and how I can just call you in a second and share birth joys and sorrows… something no one else would understand.

Then I read what the mamas had said about me and I am grateful to have a family that loves me … i am an only child and this is the goddess’s way to give me a large family.

Somewhere in passing maybe I should be grateful to facebook and more so a crazy guy who convinced me last year to be on it…People who think I am a quack or don’t understand any of this thing I do but are proud of me and accept me anyways. So I am grateful for unconditional love.

And most of all I am grateful for the sentiments that are in the hearts of all the lovely women who I have the honour to be with in birth and real life experiences that are precious.

I am also grateful for all those wonderful people who drop out of no where and walk with me just when I need them…Janet Chawla calls them ‘birth friends’, I am grateful for my birth friends and mentors and guides. Wise women = Janet Chawla .. and some men…

Especially ones who have heard me talk endlessly about birth stuff, patiently, not rolled their eyes (maybe inwardly) and agreed to keep on meeting and hearing.

While reading words like angel and magic… I think its only right to share the recipe that makes it magic and me an angel.

Many years ago, I read a paper on the dais. A line from that paper has always stayed with me and has been the philosophy of my work.

“Its the work of God … the hands are mine”

Birth in itself is magic… what else would define bring a new life on earth. To experience the full force of this magic we need the following ingredients

Enthusiasm – not just the parents or family but all of us. A new life reinforces our potential to be there for ever and do more

Mindfulness – not just to the growth of the baby in tangible terms… weeks, hands, size of the stomach but to the flowering of his being, and there by triggering the growth of a mother, a father, a brother or sister and many new relations.

Faith – is probably the most precious of the gifts that we can give our selves and the baby. Faith in ourselves, in our child, in the people around us, in the love that surrounds us, in the care we get, in the intent of those who are with us, our abilities, our relationships and our own intent of bringing this new life.

Please feel free to add any ingredients that you feel, flavour the birth work we do… Comment section is right below