A leading newspaper ran a news article on how 'medical expert' warned men not to watch their wife give birth.
(http://www.hindustantimes.com/News-Feed/relationships/Don-t-watch-your-wife-give-birth/Article1-467179.aspx) .
This first came to my notice when an expectant mom, worriedly seeked advice on a birth network group. Here is my two cent worth
Dr. Odent is am amazing man and well he may be right in many cases however, there are no experts in birth. The woman is the expert on what she needs in her birth. What she wants is support and if the father is in tune with Birth being an important and life changing event, and feels the need to be there for and be connected with the mother then he should be there.
There is a distinct difference between men 'being' in labour rooms to see their baby being born (sometimes forced since its now expected of them to participate in labour) and 'being' there with their wife/partner for the birth of their baby. The key to Dr. Odent's comments lies in its subtle but extremely important distinction.
Perhaps Dr. Odent is talking about how the intrinsic nature of men and women are different, how they perceive and process the birth differently. Please note that Dr. Odent is a male OB and a pioneer in the field of primal birth movement. He is perhaps speaking in terms of the birthing space filled with woman energies. Its is traditional for women to support other women in labour...after all 'Birth is women Business'.
Having said that, as a doula I have seen husbands to be one of the most amazing support person. They are in those labour rooms holding, touching, encouraging, calming the moms. Sometimes they just sit they holding her hand, looking in her eyes.These father want to be there, the Birth of this baby is a significant event of their lives and the bonding created in the moments of raw vulnerability is also a milestone in their relationship.
But please remember birth is hard work and so the support should be willing and voluntary. Also, birth is sensual in nature... the positions women take, the nakedness, the openness, the sounds they make, the movements of their bodies do challenge the norms of modesty. So once again its what couples believe is important, their acceptance of every aspect of birth is important.
A lot will depend on what Birth means to the mother and the father. How they prepare, what their expectations are; not just from the process of birth but each other. What strength and pain means to each one of them. The key is communication, Birth is primal and so to prepare for birth on a emotional level, its good to "lay it bare" since that's exactly what birth will be in many ways. Each couple will find their own place in terms of participation and support and to generalise about human relationships especially the relationship of men and women is absurd. Since women want choices the same is true for men. Forcing them one way or the other would be the bigger problem.
Women have the wisdom of birth. In that moment they move deep inside,many say they did not care who was there.. these are women whose birth spaces have been protected by supporting hands. While others are disappointed and have a long term sense of loss of lack of the same. To bring expectation of any kind into birth is like creating a precondition, practically make a boundary. That's the exact opposite of what birth needs. To know whether your husband should be there or not...Well that's something only the two of you can decide, just like every thing thats intimate, this should be a private matter. You can seek our view but let no one tell you what is right since only you both are the expert on your relationship, Communicate, explore, prepare and let go... And most of all, birth in love and faith.
A few weeks later he was the opening statement on another leading newspapers article on childbirth. "prospective fathers should not attend the birth of their children as it makes labour more painful for the woman" (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/msid-5208079,prtpage-1.cms).
I have admired, read and evolved on Dr. Odent's theories, it was very hard to accept this at face value. For the sake of curiosity I search both the papers website with his name.
RESULT: Each time the above mentioed article was the only time they had ever quoted him.. I am thinking what about continous care, waterbirth amongst others.
In my minds eye I remember Dr. Odent smiling, in the 70 or 80's film "Knowing the Unborn" , talking about how when moms are happy babies are happy. He has a mischievious smile as he says in his French accent "is there a recipie to be happy".
Also want to include an article from Dr. Odent in Midwifery Today
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/fatherpart.asp
this explores the question of men being present at birth. Some of the comments have been the basis of the Quotes in our newspaper articles but there is an entire context that they have failed to mention. Especially the part where he begins the article saying
"A century ago, when most babies were born at home, such a question would have been deemed irrelevant. At that time, everybody knew that childbirth is "women's business." The husband was given a practical task, such as spending hours boiling water, but he was not involved in the birth itself.
Today, the same question is still deemed irrelevant, even stupid. At the dawn of the 21st century, everybody knows about the importance of the active role of the father in the "birth of a family" Most women cannot even imagine giving birth without the participation of their "partner." We have heard countless wonderful stories of "couples giving birth." Fathers are welcome in the most conventional delivery rooms."
Interestingly in response to the worried inquiry on the birth network (birthindia yahoo groups) some one said that media was about sensationalising ... I have to AGREE
In fact In August 1999 they had an entire issue on the presence and participation of fathers
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/magazine/issue51.asp
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Seeing myself as Mother
This one was hard... It took me a while to get going and I think it should be an ongoing assignment..
Seeing Myself as a Mother
First off I feel that this should be an ongoing assignment for me. It reminded me of something I had forgotten in the recent times. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was anxious about being the perfect mother. My grandmother, an uneducated but very wise woman said, whatever you need to know the baby will teach you, just keep listen to your child. I followed her advice for many years but with kids growing up and life moving on sometimes we forget the simplest things.
When I began this drawing I thought I knew what I felt and was most challenged in how to make the right picture. And the picture took over, something I have experienced before, but this time I did realise that it took over. So I kept drawing and ended with a lot of hats and lot of balls.
I see myself standing tall and strong on a see saw with a whole lot of hats and a lot of balls in the air trying to juggle. I have already understood the duality of life and haven’t looked for the idealistic thing for a long while. I see smile and tears together and it could either be tears of joy and it could just as well be a smile through my sorrow.
I know for sure that I have a dark side and many times my children have seen it. I learnt the lesson of unconditional love from them when they could love me through my darkness. I see light in me balancing the darkness.
I need to protect my children and hold them to me yet I need to set them free, to be the person they are. The picture tells me it’s a balancing act through and through.
The balls in the air are the different aspect of things I need to balance. Boundaries and freedom and where that line in between is is my constant challenge with a 13 year old boy and 10 year old girl.
I realise that as a mother I wear a lot of hats. I am the cook and driver; I am the teacher and the friend. I play many roles that my children need me to play. But the picture brings home my need to be my own person and not feel selfish or guilty. I want to be a smart attractive and intelligent woman in my own right with my own needs being fulfilled away and beyond being a mother. It challenges the giving image of the mother in my mind sometimes and brings about guilt. But left unfulfilled has always brought on the dark side of me. It’s only counterproductive to not nurture myself. So I am mother to myself as well.
I balance the children’s needs and my needs. That brings about another element of pull and push to the balancing act. In all I believe what my grandmother was saying is that if you stay open, you will be able to keep adjusting to keep the balance. For me being the mother is not one thing its many, it’s not constant but changing but it’s definitely about shifting ever so slightly to keep the balance
Seeing Myself as a Mother
First off I feel that this should be an ongoing assignment for me. It reminded me of something I had forgotten in the recent times. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was anxious about being the perfect mother. My grandmother, an uneducated but very wise woman said, whatever you need to know the baby will teach you, just keep listen to your child. I followed her advice for many years but with kids growing up and life moving on sometimes we forget the simplest things.
When I began this drawing I thought I knew what I felt and was most challenged in how to make the right picture. And the picture took over, something I have experienced before, but this time I did realise that it took over. So I kept drawing and ended with a lot of hats and lot of balls.
I see myself standing tall and strong on a see saw with a whole lot of hats and a lot of balls in the air trying to juggle. I have already understood the duality of life and haven’t looked for the idealistic thing for a long while. I see smile and tears together and it could either be tears of joy and it could just as well be a smile through my sorrow.
I know for sure that I have a dark side and many times my children have seen it. I learnt the lesson of unconditional love from them when they could love me through my darkness. I see light in me balancing the darkness.
I need to protect my children and hold them to me yet I need to set them free, to be the person they are. The picture tells me it’s a balancing act through and through.
The balls in the air are the different aspect of things I need to balance. Boundaries and freedom and where that line in between is is my constant challenge with a 13 year old boy and 10 year old girl.
I realise that as a mother I wear a lot of hats. I am the cook and driver; I am the teacher and the friend. I play many roles that my children need me to play. But the picture brings home my need to be my own person and not feel selfish or guilty. I want to be a smart attractive and intelligent woman in my own right with my own needs being fulfilled away and beyond being a mother. It challenges the giving image of the mother in my mind sometimes and brings about guilt. But left unfulfilled has always brought on the dark side of me. It’s only counterproductive to not nurture myself. So I am mother to myself as well.
I balance the children’s needs and my needs. That brings about another element of pull and push to the balancing act. In all I believe what my grandmother was saying is that if you stay open, you will be able to keep adjusting to keep the balance. For me being the mother is not one thing its many, it’s not constant but changing but it’s definitely about shifting ever so slightly to keep the balance
Stages of Labour
After I made the first, cried and journaled, I could not stop myself and this is what came from my complusion to keep my hands moving on the paper. This time again I thought I had it right till I reflected on it. ... This so true of the doula work I do... I think it also shows my love for the water and all the water births and where they come from
Journey through Labour Landscape
This drawing is completely influenced by my experiences as a doula, however, I did not need to think this part. Even though each woman goes through a unique labour and birth experiences there are certain commonalities that resonate through each labour including my own.
She sails out on calm seas, excited and just a little anxious about her journey, and as the ocean floor drops from under her and seas get rough... the little boat is rocked. She finds herself in unknown territory.
Soon enough her little boat is tossed and ripped and she sinks deeper. She spins through the vortex of intense feelings - physical and emotional. The physical manifestation of this play of feelings is seen as progress or not. At some time she hits rock bottom and only then can she begin her journey upward.
While the picture could represent the woman working her way through her labour sinking deeper into her instinctive self, moving with her body and supported by her nature as a woman and hormones. It could be just the opposite. She could start with a just a small fear, which would grow with each contraction, further as times passes. She may reach a point where it paralyses her and she faces extreme physical pain and helplessness. Her labour could be stalling or she may be facing trauma for herself or the baby and that’s her point of hitting the rock bottom and then having faced the worse she comes back.
What came as a surprise is the part where it says keep going. I found that I drew this little energy symbol within her and as she moved in time and body, she also moves the energy within. Whether this energy uncoils in sync with her body or against it is the play of her feelings. Faith or fear? As she hits rock bottom, she lets go of all plans and ideal birth scenes and if she does tap into the other positive energies around her she can move beyond the mode and modality of how she gave birth and actually birth the baby.
It helps me understand how I connect with the women I support and how she can mirror my positivity but most of all despite all the information why I feel the helplessness and desperation when she isn’t able to work through her issues blocking her birth and my energy begins to move with her in the negative direction. It has given me a new sensitivity to why some births are mentally harder on me than others, irrespective of how the woman has given birth.
Journey through Labour LandscapeThis drawing is completely influenced by my experiences as a doula, however, I did not need to think this part. Even though each woman goes through a unique labour and birth experiences there are certain commonalities that resonate through each labour including my own.
She sails out on calm seas, excited and just a little anxious about her journey, and as the ocean floor drops from under her and seas get rough... the little boat is rocked. She finds herself in unknown territory.
Soon enough her little boat is tossed and ripped and she sinks deeper. She spins through the vortex of intense feelings - physical and emotional. The physical manifestation of this play of feelings is seen as progress or not. At some time she hits rock bottom and only then can she begin her journey upward.
While the picture could represent the woman working her way through her labour sinking deeper into her instinctive self, moving with her body and supported by her nature as a woman and hormones. It could be just the opposite. She could start with a just a small fear, which would grow with each contraction, further as times passes. She may reach a point where it paralyses her and she faces extreme physical pain and helplessness. Her labour could be stalling or she may be facing trauma for herself or the baby and that’s her point of hitting the rock bottom and then having faced the worse she comes back.
What came as a surprise is the part where it says keep going. I found that I drew this little energy symbol within her and as she moved in time and body, she also moves the energy within. Whether this energy uncoils in sync with her body or against it is the play of her feelings. Faith or fear? As she hits rock bottom, she lets go of all plans and ideal birth scenes and if she does tap into the other positive energies around her she can move beyond the mode and modality of how she gave birth and actually birth the baby.
It helps me understand how I connect with the women I support and how she can mirror my positivity but most of all despite all the information why I feel the helplessness and desperation when she isn’t able to work through her issues blocking her birth and my energy begins to move with her in the negative direction. It has given me a new sensitivity to why some births are mentally harder on me than others, irrespective of how the woman has given birth.
Womb with a View
My very first attempt, begun with an attitude of "I know about that" completely swept me off my feet and before I could even journal a word I cried, humbled...Womb with A View: World Within
As I look at the drawing now, I am surprised by what I feel. The feeling I get when I see this drawing brings back a old memory of my grandfather talking about a scene from Gita. As Arjun looks upon the magnificent persona of Krishna he can see the entire universe within him. The womb is the baby's entire universe.
I see that I have put in the four elements to nurture life...sun, earth water and love. I see the curiosity in the eyes of this little human being and the potential of holding the world in the palm of his hand.
When I began I thought I could draw upon all the information I had about baby's uterine life but as I went along. Only a few elements stayed while many other came up all by themselves.
The colour and form within the womb is more distinct and bright and sharp than outside, which as I blended when asked the drawing what it needed. Also, the way showed the different parts of the baby rather than the baby... that confused me.
Now I see that the baby's entire world is the womb. While we on the outside may dwell upon how he feels, the baby is in state of bliss. He is nurtured by the life force of the world and the love of his mother. The two balance the way he becomes aware of his world. Fluidity of his home allows him to defy the pull of gravity, takes the weight of him and pliable yet firm boundaries allow him the space to discover light, sound, feel and other wonderful sensations that will make his world outside.
The baby depicted in part no longer confuses me. I think none of us have yet discovered ourselves in whole. We grow in different ways and change constantly. We do not need to know the baby ‘fully’; we just need to accept that there is potential beyond our knowing and love.
I have sat and stared at the picture each day, many times a day. I feel that the baby there is not restricted by the space, he is not uncomfortable. In fact, he is in a state of bliss. (I used this world before and it feels that way even more now). Hidden from eyes that can only understand things they can label and put away in neat box, he is free to be anything he wants and do the impossible without feeling even a shred of hesitation. In the outside world we would be afraid of such a feeling.
While we on the outside feel his lack of space, his limited stimuli to the senses as a negative, is that not what we wish to achieve when we meditate, to shut down the outside world and move inwards.
I thought I had finished with this section till I saw the picture I had done for Womb with a View. As I was resizing and uploading the picture it struck me that in a glance it seemed I was looking at the swollen belly and the birth opening of the world right between the legs. Not unlike how it looks when birth happens. Just had to add that impression to this journal
Friday, August 21, 2009
Bio Hazard
As we drove on the
roads of Delhi, in the rain ( thats when interesting things happen), we spotted a blur of Yellow. It was mutually decided to check out this blur ...we tried all kinds of angles and ways to photograph .. but the label eluded us. 
roads of Delhi, in the rain ( thats when interesting things happen), we spotted a blur of Yellow. It was mutually decided to check out this blur ...we tried all kinds of angles and ways to photograph .. but the label eluded us. 
Lets say , that day we were a determined trio Sarah, Caitlin and me... we had to get to the bottom of this blur.. so many more shots and speeds .. and a bit of chase later we figured out what we were looking at ..
And now we feel we need to spread the word... You are looking at a BIO HAZARD material. Ladies please be careful of this strain of BIOHAZ till more information is recieved and research is known...
Caitlin , Sarah,... thank you for one the funniest rides. Miss you guys.. Divya
Friday, August 14, 2009
Divine - Coincidence
This one one of the most amazing birth I have had recently. Right before I was going to be a part of the HypnoBirthing Practitioner's training workshop, this birth was like a sign from above that I was onto the right path. Early morning, the dad called and told me that the mom was begining to feel something but she was comfortable. She had listened to rainbow relaxation during the course of the morning. As I went through my day, she was in my thoughts. At 1:45 pm, when I spoke to the dad, she had just finished lunch and was palnning to rest for a bit before going to the hospital. All this while she was completely in touch with her feelings.
As they reach the hospital a little before 4, she was 80% effaced and about 4 cm dilated. We had talked about coming back home if was early, however, she decided to stay.
At 5:30 pm, she wanted to be in water. I got going to the hospital and she took a shower. When I saw her at 6 pm, she was deep inside herself. Sitting on the bed, working with her surges.
At 6:30 pm she was ready to birth the baby and the baby was in her arms at 7:10 pm.
While she was keen on water birth, she did not restrict her self to planning it one way. I think she went with it... right till the end.
Later she told me that she knew all along where she was in her body and in her mind. She also told me that in the part where we ask them to ask their baby how long their birthing would be... the baby had said 2 and a half hours. Not very long after birth I caught this picture of the baby gazing at his absolutely delighted mom
Here is Arunima sharing her birth story
Friday, July 31, 2009
Creating the Wonderful World in the Womb
Three different news articles, inspiring us to think about how our babies are feeling while we are growing them not just from our flesh and bones but also our thoughts and feelings. Babies get a feel of the world around us right in the womb, their input medium is not different than ours. they are after all human babies and therefore have capacity to grow, feel and sense in ways no different than us. Knowing this does it not become important that we live in awareness mind body and spirit to what they are reciving. After all we are setting an imprint of the world and their ability to deal with it in these hidden moments.
Inner Voice - Peace through womb
Mary Joseph
Have you ever thought where do these abstract nouns `peace' and `love' originate from? I believe that human beings experience the manifested form of peace and love right in the womb and from the first touch of mother...Because the womb is a replica of the world outside, just as an atom is the replica of the universe. ( read the complete article on HT dated 31st July 2009 Pg 15 or online on the e paper)
The Earliest Fetal Memory?
Dutch Doctors Say the Unborn may Have Memories by the 30th Week of Pregnancy
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=8083181
Study: Babies Form Memories in the Womb [FOX News]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Cqcgr8mtvU
Inner Voice - Peace through womb
Mary Joseph
Have you ever thought where do these abstract nouns `peace' and `love' originate from? I believe that human beings experience the manifested form of peace and love right in the womb and from the first touch of mother...Because the womb is a replica of the world outside, just as an atom is the replica of the universe. ( read the complete article on HT dated 31st July 2009 Pg 15 or online on the e paper)
The Earliest Fetal Memory?
Dutch Doctors Say the Unborn may Have Memories by the 30th Week of Pregnancy
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=8083181
Study: Babies Form Memories in the Womb [FOX News]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Cqcgr8mtvU
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
A lunch party
A Birthday Celebration;
Wish to share the birthday lunch party at the Pheonix Hospital for Jairo, Tanja & Andreas. It wonderful to see Dad and Mum share lunch while the hour old baby also enjoys his lunch/comfort snack. 
Do babies understand the world around them ...
They are absorbing everything, picking up clues about their world, learning at a tremendous pace, all enconsed peacefully in the arms of those who care for them. Baby Jario Navin in a moment of knowing with his doula Divya.
Gentle birth in awareness is a wonderful gift of faith to the baby.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Another kind of birth
I share with you a letter from a wonderful mom, recovering from her birth, I wish to salute her for understanding what she went through and coming up stronger and wiser.
Dearest Sarojini and Divya,
Hi! How are you? No, I have not forgotten you. I have not been able to sneak a moment to call or write to you. Also, my experience of the birthing was not exactly happy and I wish to forget it as a bad dream. hence I didn't want to talk about it. Here I am writing to both of you as I want to tell you the same things.
First of all, thank you so so much for your immense support. It was a blessing to have you by my side. I got so stressed in my last few days of pregnancy that your words gave me strength to keep me going. Truly, it was a very trying time for me.
As I said that I want to put the birthing experience behind me. So, in a nut shell, we waited till the last day of 42nd week with 24 hrs of release of membrane and surges happening in an erratic fashion. And the doctor said that the head hadn't engaged and I had opened 2cm in 24 hrs. She also felt the labour was a false one. So on the last day of 42nd week in the afternoon it was decided to go for caesarian. Seriously, I didn't know what it meant. Both Pram and I were emotionally drained. I opted to have an epidural so that I could see my baby come out, but when the cathedar was inserted I lost it and had no courage to go through it. So I opted for general anesthesia. And for 45 minutes I was knocked out. When i opened my eyes I saw my son next to me in the doctor's arms.I fed him. And then I realised the excruciating pain I was in. The next 3 days were traumatic. I was totally clueless what the post-surgery time is like. Two people were helping me all the time to get up and lye down, walk and go to the bathroom. My world had pretty much collapsed. I had a lovely pregnancy and I enjoyed being pregnant. The birthing experience shattered me. And disappointed me. For the first few days I kept wondering if I had actually given "birth". I was struggling with the thouught that I am my baby's mother and that I have given "birth" to him. That was painful, too.
Though I want to put the above behind me and forget about it, I have definitely learnt a lot of lessons from it. Couldn't help speculating.. One, I had looked down upon c-section and doctors who opted for it. Two, I had taken on everything in my hands regarding the natural and divine process of birthing, not leaving things to God and nature. Third, during my pregnancy I kept running away from lot of "negativity" and negative people in turn I had become very negative. My karma gave me what I went through. Fourth, be prepared for the worst also.
I am fine now pain wise. My body is very shapeless right now. Apparently, my stomach had become so large that my uterus and the birth path were not aligned. God knows!
My son is wonderful. A real darling. Very understanding, I'd say. Just wants his feed and sleeps/plays. He is 5 weeks now. We have named him Aadi. Meaning the beginning, first one, endless, important.. He is my world now and am with him round the clock. So, it is very difficult to make calls now, even take a bath or go for a long nature's call!.. As I am writing to you Param is putting him off to sleep. My mom was here to help for the first 4 weeks. Now it just three of us. Sending a three of his photographs.
That's it for now. Shall call sometime. Please do let me know when you're visiting bangalore. Would love to meet you.
Again, can not thank you enough for your unconditional support. I am greatful and honoured to have your support.
LoveShruti
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Staying In Charge
"Maybe if we whack you on the head and render you unconscious, you may labour easily and birth quickly" I said this jokingly to a labouring mom from my childbirth class. She had been in 'labour' for more than 24 hours, leaking periodically, having contractions that were rhythmic and yet technically completely closed. She had done classes and prepared herself with information and skills to have a good birth experience. She understood everything that was going on with her. Oh yes! I did say she was prepared.
Just as pain in birth is subjective, so is childbirth preparation. All that information and practice, question - answers and support. Yet many a times well prepared moms' have slow long labours for no apparent reason at all. Days of 'labouring', contractions, pain, interventions and assistance, exhaustion and then ending up with C section for Faliure To Progress. What is it that makes some cervix open up more easily than others?
A recent birth I supported was going in the scary but much often tread road... long hard labour and extremely slow progress.
Day one began with leaking and contractions... mom did relaxation and breathing and when she felt that now it was strong to pull her out of the relaxed state, she went to the hospital. Doctor took a look and sent her back home.
Day two, contraction continued and she was back again. When I met her late Sunday morning and we talked about the virtue of relaxation and being patient. She hadn't even begun to efface. The doctor wanted to send her back yet again, but she was now throwing up. Sunday night, 48 hours after leaking began, she agreed to be augmented. The contractions moved from good to pretty good. All day she had used warm showers to relax and she really wanted to sink in a tub of warm water. We decided to do so, not just for the comfort but also she because she had her heart set on it. Warm water helped her... physically and mentally for a while and in a few hours she was anxious and needed affirmation that things were progressing. So another internal check told us that she was fully effaced. This was at 4 am. We all reinforced the fact that this was good... it was great progress. That buoyed her spirit for a bit but in the next four hours... she was at that 'time vs. progress' anxious phase again.
She had begun to bear down at the peak of her contractions by now. 8 am another check told us she was 4 cms. I thought she was doing great, but she did not think so. There was a bag of waters intact over the baby's head, despite the leaking. The anxiety moved to desperation...by 9 am she was talking of C section. I talked to her, and she listened and nodded her head while I counted of all the reasons that said she was doing well... but as the next contraction came she was back to C section. At 9:30 she was still 4 cms. She was now sure she did not want to go on... It was probably hard for her husband to say what he wanted. He was not the one in labour, so he said the only thing he could. He would support her in whatever she wanted.
It was really difficult for me, since I knew she could do this. I just knew, but it was not about my gut feeling... it was about what she was feeling in and out of the labour. This was not the time or the place to convince her otherwise. However, after a small discussion between contractions she chose to go with an epidural. She looked at me, and I smiled and said I would support her through it.
Just as the epidural kicked in she fell asleep and so much so that I had to check if the doctor had given her sedatives.. but no. An hour later, she woke up, she was able to feel some rectal pressure and another check told us that she was 6 cms. She was pain free, she had a sense of the contractions with the rectal pressure and she still was breathing through the contractions. Her eyes checked the clock often and I could feel the mind turn numbers round. Every now and then she would say why her body was not working or why the baby was not coming. The rectal pressure increased and she began to bear down. The baby's heart tones sounded slow and a fetal monitor was put on. The heart rates kept falling and at one point it dropped sharply and stayed low. It was 2 pm now and as the doctor checked she was still at 6 cms. As the heart rate slipped to 75 bpm there was a buzz about C section. This was goint to be another of those FTP.
The OT was prepared and the anesthesiologist was called.
In the last 5 years, I have seen this happen far too many times. The next contraction, I told her to pant and not bear down even when the pressure was there... the heart rate stayed steady. And then another contraction, and then another. I ran down to the doctors' office and asked her if we could get an hour.... one hour. She said yes, BUT, the heart rate should not go any lower than 110.
Back in the room I looked at this mom in the eye, raised my voice from soft suggestion to firm instruction, I told her to forget the clock, the monitor and the pressure and every contraction she would follow my breathing. One hour, she and I, alone in that room... I talked, she listened, and we blew and panted through every single contraction. The doctor would come in periodically and check the fetal heart rate monitor. her husband came in and slipped out quietly. Her mom sitting outside knew that this was going to surgery. One hour, I led and she followed and the beeping monitor was reassuring and we heard strong beat of the baby's heart. Past 3 pm, after the 'hour' was up, the doctor checked again, she was fully dilated. A beautiful baby boy was born at 3:59pm.
She was one of my Hypnobirthing mom... what worked for us that last hour was that we had done relaxation many times in class. She responded to my voice by sinking into a trance like zone. At one point i think I dozed off as well....So I did not whack her.. but close enough.
Some important things
Each time she was mentally relaxed... getting into the pool, first sign of progress, sleeping after the epidural and finally relaxation with my instructions.. she progressed
What does childbirth preparation really mean.. infomation?!? Does all that information make it any more easier for us to face labour? Or is there something else too... What is it that allows us to let go, give up our need to be control, to sink deeper to a subconsious level that actually believes in birth...trust, faith support.
Talking of support... motivating her, leading her, pushing her... sometimes all three. and sometimes the 'whack on the head'.
Just as pain in birth is subjective, so is childbirth preparation. All that information and practice, question - answers and support. Yet many a times well prepared moms' have slow long labours for no apparent reason at all. Days of 'labouring', contractions, pain, interventions and assistance, exhaustion and then ending up with C section for Faliure To Progress. What is it that makes some cervix open up more easily than others?
A recent birth I supported was going in the scary but much often tread road... long hard labour and extremely slow progress.
Day one began with leaking and contractions... mom did relaxation and breathing and when she felt that now it was strong to pull her out of the relaxed state, she went to the hospital. Doctor took a look and sent her back home.
Day two, contraction continued and she was back again. When I met her late Sunday morning and we talked about the virtue of relaxation and being patient. She hadn't even begun to efface. The doctor wanted to send her back yet again, but she was now throwing up. Sunday night, 48 hours after leaking began, she agreed to be augmented. The contractions moved from good to pretty good. All day she had used warm showers to relax and she really wanted to sink in a tub of warm water. We decided to do so, not just for the comfort but also she because she had her heart set on it. Warm water helped her... physically and mentally for a while and in a few hours she was anxious and needed affirmation that things were progressing. So another internal check told us that she was fully effaced. This was at 4 am. We all reinforced the fact that this was good... it was great progress. That buoyed her spirit for a bit but in the next four hours... she was at that 'time vs. progress' anxious phase again.
She had begun to bear down at the peak of her contractions by now. 8 am another check told us she was 4 cms. I thought she was doing great, but she did not think so. There was a bag of waters intact over the baby's head, despite the leaking. The anxiety moved to desperation...by 9 am she was talking of C section. I talked to her, and she listened and nodded her head while I counted of all the reasons that said she was doing well... but as the next contraction came she was back to C section. At 9:30 she was still 4 cms. She was now sure she did not want to go on... It was probably hard for her husband to say what he wanted. He was not the one in labour, so he said the only thing he could. He would support her in whatever she wanted.
It was really difficult for me, since I knew she could do this. I just knew, but it was not about my gut feeling... it was about what she was feeling in and out of the labour. This was not the time or the place to convince her otherwise. However, after a small discussion between contractions she chose to go with an epidural. She looked at me, and I smiled and said I would support her through it.
Just as the epidural kicked in she fell asleep and so much so that I had to check if the doctor had given her sedatives.. but no. An hour later, she woke up, she was able to feel some rectal pressure and another check told us that she was 6 cms. She was pain free, she had a sense of the contractions with the rectal pressure and she still was breathing through the contractions. Her eyes checked the clock often and I could feel the mind turn numbers round. Every now and then she would say why her body was not working or why the baby was not coming. The rectal pressure increased and she began to bear down. The baby's heart tones sounded slow and a fetal monitor was put on. The heart rates kept falling and at one point it dropped sharply and stayed low. It was 2 pm now and as the doctor checked she was still at 6 cms. As the heart rate slipped to 75 bpm there was a buzz about C section. This was goint to be another of those FTP.
The OT was prepared and the anesthesiologist was called.
In the last 5 years, I have seen this happen far too many times. The next contraction, I told her to pant and not bear down even when the pressure was there... the heart rate stayed steady. And then another contraction, and then another. I ran down to the doctors' office and asked her if we could get an hour.... one hour. She said yes, BUT, the heart rate should not go any lower than 110.
Back in the room I looked at this mom in the eye, raised my voice from soft suggestion to firm instruction, I told her to forget the clock, the monitor and the pressure and every contraction she would follow my breathing. One hour, she and I, alone in that room... I talked, she listened, and we blew and panted through every single contraction. The doctor would come in periodically and check the fetal heart rate monitor. her husband came in and slipped out quietly. Her mom sitting outside knew that this was going to surgery. One hour, I led and she followed and the beeping monitor was reassuring and we heard strong beat of the baby's heart. Past 3 pm, after the 'hour' was up, the doctor checked again, she was fully dilated. A beautiful baby boy was born at 3:59pm.
She was one of my Hypnobirthing mom... what worked for us that last hour was that we had done relaxation many times in class. She responded to my voice by sinking into a trance like zone. At one point i think I dozed off as well....So I did not whack her.. but close enough.
Some important things
Each time she was mentally relaxed... getting into the pool, first sign of progress, sleeping after the epidural and finally relaxation with my instructions.. she progressed
What does childbirth preparation really mean.. infomation?!? Does all that information make it any more easier for us to face labour? Or is there something else too... What is it that allows us to let go, give up our need to be control, to sink deeper to a subconsious level that actually believes in birth...trust, faith support.
Talking of support... motivating her, leading her, pushing her... sometimes all three. and sometimes the 'whack on the head'.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Guide map of labour
Birth is creativity... dads got into the equation of creativity in my previous stages of labour class. Once we cleared the "woman-labour-pain" roadblock, they just knew that they could be there for the moms in so many ways.
Of many classes I have discussed stages of labour this Saturaday was a exceptionally creative one. My recent experience, with my doula client, who kept timing her contractions and wanted internals to check progress was disappointed with how things were not as advanced as she thought they would be. I saw a collective disappointment on the faces of an entire family and it honed the fact that no matter how much we talk of natural birth, in the end we talk numbers. No matter how much we talk instinct but we try and make it rational. So this class I experimented with "feel of labour" rather than stages of labour.
The dads were incharge of mapping the lay of the land. Good! since they are the primary support people here. Instead of the numbers we talked of how they would see labour progress and it was divided into 5 categories of reference.
First was the Sense of rhythm: timing to begin to get a sense of things
Second was Feelings or emotional assesment: how she would look and feel
Third was What may be happening in the body: effacement, baby moving lower, rotating
Second was Feelings or emotional assesment: how she would look and feel
Third was What may be happening in the body: effacement, baby moving lower, rotating
Fourth was what she may be experiencing: backache, hot/cold
And the fifth was what mom could be doing and what the support person could be doing.
This led to a lively interactive discussion. Significantly, everyone began thinking of various possibilities as soon as I said a emotion, or experience.... the focus shifted away from the timing and numbers. As we went through the labour, the couples discussed various scenarios and each partner made the next step of his guide map.
At each point food, drink, mobility, rest was discussed.
Maybe I was able to convey that labour is timeless, unique and different for everyone. Its like preparing for the birthday party of the baby and both parents work hard to have a great birthday.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Resuscitating Birth Experience; Placenta printing
The idea of placenta printing seemed wonderful to me when I first heard about it. Its the most vital organ, facilitating the baby growth and two way communication between the baby and mommy. Yet its the most ignored organ in medical science. Many a times I have seen the doctor check the placenta and then discard it as "bio waste".
On the other hand my birth friend Janet Chawla was all excited about a project on the placenta. The midwives stories of resuscitate the baby with the placenta, the midwives rich tradition around it, the stories from other cultures where it was considered the second mother, or the baby's twin.
Recently I was supporting a woman who had a long labour and after 37 hours was facing a C section. Her perfect birth had spun on its head and landed face first. As she broke down and faced her worst case scenario, I desperately wanted to make it birth for her.
However, it was absolutely impossible to leave out the bitter disappointment of failure and fatigue and look at birth. It seemed important to let her be selfish in that moment, to grieve what could not be, before moving on to the next step.
Major surgery is a huge mountain to over look, to see the birth of the baby. Kind of the same way as the sterile partion that is erected seperating the mother, awake and aware, from the surgical site itself.
Two things I did in that OT that afternoon.
Firstly, I took a video of the birth of the baby... not the surgery. Infact it turned out to be the footage from when the baby emerged and cried. Somehow the angle and timing was such that the C section was not on the tape at all.
Secondly, I did a placenta painting for them. Taking a print each with the blood and then with paint, this is singualrily the most beautiful piece of art I have ever done. Loving framed and ready to watch over their baby, just like in the womb, the parents have taken to this painting.
It also brought home the fact that while things did not go the way they wanted it to ... it was the birth of their baby
Thursday, April 2, 2009
A doula's letter
Dear baby Samaira,
I wish to gift you this wonderful birth story as a welcome present into this beautiful world. I am sure you will hear many different versions of your birthday or should I say birth days, but this is how I, your doula experienced your birthday.
It began with a meeting with your mommy who was preparing in many ways to bring you into this world. She glowed and I am sure it was also the glow of your beauty within her, along with the joy at the thought of your birth. As I met your family on "the day" I realised how loved you were. The grand moms and great grand mom, the aunt and uncle, mom and dad... you were their dream girl.
Now many will say that it was a long labour, and lots of pain, and more at first glance, perhaps they did not witness what I did. I also saw love pure and simple of a mom for her baby, the determination of a woman who had a belief and went all out for her belief. The wonderful love and shared dreams of a couple. But most of all, it was amazing how much they already felt you as a real person in their life.
God tests the faithful. If that were true then you, dear girl, would be God's very own special baby since he really tested each one of your family before he was sure that you were in good hands. It is said that babies carry a imprint of their wombs and births. This birth had every thing that a life time could bring for you. Joy and disappointment, hard work and priceless reward, fortitude and gratitude and the dynamic working of a loving family. Their was a spectrum of emotions, an entire range of motherly concern and sisterly emotions, and most of all the vulnerability of a loving father and husband. I am sure deep inside you have an imprint of it all, this is Gods' ultimate gift, the valuable experience to draw upon no matter what life throws up at you.
It felt that every layer of planning was stripped, one by one until your mom was left with nothing but her spirit to continue and give birth to you. I would never forget that look of determination on her face, looking at all her plans stall and faced with the helpless eventuality, when she looked me in the eye and said... "I would do all of this again if I had to ... so lets do it."
I also cherish the expression on her face when she first heard you cry, first felt your hands on her face as you nuzzled into her cheek in an instinctive response.
For me it was a birth in all sense as she moved from a deep dark place she had reached to bright sunshine in a single moment... the moment of your birth.
Samaira, the enchanted one, you certainly enchanted your dad's heart in that very moment, as he stood aside and watch you and your mom together. He was great to step back and see the two lovely ladies of his life meet each other.
I carry so many special moments from your birth and am happy that I did witness your mom give birth in spirit. I hope as time will pass and you will explore your own potential for strength this memory of birth will be your guide. God bless you.
Your doula with Love
Divya
Friday, March 27, 2009
Beauty in Birth
Many times women have asked me about the moms I support in labour. Well a picture is worth a thousand words.
As a doula, my focus has always been on the mom. It is incerdible to see the emotions and feelings, expressions and that smile, smile of knowing.
I wish to share with all my view of progress in labour...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Birthing: Who is the specialist?
As I drove up and down the DND flyway each day, I found these series of advertisments on billboards. As it is with kids asking questions ... mine were full of them on long drives. They first brought to my notice how each billboard was a speciality... some of which like Gastro I explained to them.
And then they said "Oh! Birthing is a speciality too".
This stayed with me for many days. Do the hospitals see this "Birthing" the way we (my birth friends) do ? So I took this video as I drove past the billboards the next time around. See how Birthing, not birth though is tucked away between Lungs and Cancer.
Each of these department have specialists, who would diagnose and treat each of the problems. Its no surprise that Department of Birthing, will diagonse the Symptoms of pregnancy and treat us with best care of specialists.
Birthing is a speciality, but the important question is who is the specialist? Its something to think about
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Faith, Hope and Change
(Mom, Dad, baby and Me, 7hours after birth. Around 4 pm, 12th March 2009A few hours later .. Dad and me look tired after the night's effort but the real "expert" looks glorious)
The drama around this birth was phenomenal. To begin with the mom got a cervical stitch, progesterone and bed rest.Once she was deemed to be fit to move..she came for my class. She was enthusiastic about birth and was exploring her own feelings about natural birth. My story begins when she was at 36/37 weeks.
There was uncertainty about the due date with LMP, length of the cycle and first trimester ultrasound. At this time her ultrasonologist (expert!) said that the baby was not growing well and was lagging by 3 weeks... also that there were two loops of the cord around the neck. At first, the loops were a total non issue. The low weight kept her worrying ... She lived in fear for the baby's well being.
A week later there was another ultrasound. The baby had put on adequate weight but now the loops had become really tight. It was presented as if that there was danger to the baby. She was suggested restricted movement and bedrest so that it may not cause any kind of harm to the baby. She went for a non stress test twice a day. Just to make sure that the baby was still ok. The two loops, it was serious since the loops were really tight. It was the experts opinion that there was no way this could change since there is no room for much movement for the baby. The course of action suggested was to some how get through the next few days so that it would become officially 38 weeks. Infact, the expert opinion was that much can malfunction after 38 weeks so its a good idea to have them (the baby) out about that time for most women.
She was hysterical would be an understatement. When I met her (to hold her hand as she went for a second opinion) it seemed that her baby was in a ICU unit. She visited and checked on her well being twice a day at scheduled half hour (NST). She was trying to get through each day safely to reach 38 week when it would be ok to get the baby out.
I looked for the wise women in my life ( fellow CBE, doulas, midwives) for inspiration, and it was wonderful to see how many took time out to respond and while there were varied opinions ...
We went for a second opinion and the baby was in danger zone was clearly ruled out.
I thought hard about how I could best support her. I posted a gist of what happened on my wise women forum as below
Hi Everyone,
As always there are many aspects to this particular situation. here are facts as I heard them today...
There is a mismatch between the EDD with first trimester ultra sound and LMP. There was always a mismatch between the age of the baby and the EDD (ultrasound)
The fluid is fine
The placenta looks good
the blood flow to the baby is just fine.
She for the past two days has been paranoid about the baby choking to death with the cord around the neck. her concern wasnt really about the c sec or birth or scheduling the C sec... here it is about safty of her baby. She wants to hear the heart rate every half hour now and would panic if she didnt feel any movement for half hour.
Firstly, we asked the doctor if the baby was under any threat right away
(her first concern was the baby is in crisis)
After the doctor reviewed her records and ultrasounds and a physical exam...(not internal) reassured her that with adequate amniotic fluid the baby and cord were able to move around and that even with two cords he was not going to choke. She said it was important that she relax and not be paranoid.
Secondly, the doctor said that since each doctor had their own way of setting protocols, while she would be willing to wait and watch , her doctor may feel that it needs more take charge appoach. However, it would be helpful for all of them if she would speak to her doctor openly how much this was scaring her. Also, she suggested that maybe she could negociate more time with her own doctor by agreeing to monitoring, and seeing that the baby was putting on weight now or what ever the doc was comfortable with.
While she assured her that the baby was in no immediate danger, the doctor encouraged her to speak openly with her doctor as well. At no point did the mom or the dad suggest change of care and neither did the doctor.
I knew at that point changing her ob was not an option they were looking at. For many reasons that are best known to her... she was going to be with the same doctor.
Hi Everyone,
As always there are many aspects to this particular situation. here are facts as I heard them today...
There is a mismatch between the EDD with first trimester ultra sound and LMP. There was always a mismatch between the age of the baby and the EDD (ultrasound)
The fluid is fine
The placenta looks good
the blood flow to the baby is just fine.
She for the past two days has been paranoid about the baby choking to death with the cord around the neck. her concern wasnt really about the c sec or birth or scheduling the C sec... here it is about safty of her baby. She wants to hear the heart rate every half hour now and would panic if she didnt feel any movement for half hour.
Firstly, we asked the doctor if the baby was under any threat right away
(her first concern was the baby is in crisis)
After the doctor reviewed her records and ultrasounds and a physical exam...(not internal) reassured her that with adequate amniotic fluid the baby and cord were able to move around and that even with two cords he was not going to choke. She said it was important that she relax and not be paranoid.
Secondly, the doctor said that since each doctor had their own way of setting protocols, while she would be willing to wait and watch , her doctor may feel that it needs more take charge appoach. However, it would be helpful for all of them if she would speak to her doctor openly how much this was scaring her. Also, she suggested that maybe she could negociate more time with her own doctor by agreeing to monitoring, and seeing that the baby was putting on weight now or what ever the doc was comfortable with.
While she assured her that the baby was in no immediate danger, the doctor encouraged her to speak openly with her doctor as well. At no point did the mom or the dad suggest change of care and neither did the doctor.
I knew at that point changing her ob was not an option they were looking at. For many reasons that are best known to her... she was going to be with the same doctor.
Then what did this second opinion mean here... reassurance and answers to questions that her own doctor did not give
Changing her doctor was agood choice but it had to be her choice, but it was redundant as a choice here. And she needs support, how can i support her here? that was my bigger dilemma.
I spent last night thinking...
I reinforced that each doctor had their own way of working and it would be unfair to say right or wrong at this time to one or the other, therefore she should discuss it with her husband and then choose. What i gathered was that she had just been through an argument with her extended family about this.
More than making it perfect, it was important to make it right for her. So I suggestd that even though nothing may come of her talk with her doctor and negociation for time, She still had a few days to show her baby that a good world awaited him. I think it was important for her get connected with her baby and reassure him that while all this is going around him, she is still excited about his birth and that no matter how and when it took place, mom is going to be there for him. She was crying and said that it has been over a week that she hadnt thought of her baby as a healthy person, she felt he had been in a ICU unit while she was worrying about his well being. So she and her husband are going to try and spend a lot of time together.. uptil 4th. Also, they intend to speak to the doctor in terms of all other aspects being healthy, and baby growing, and monitoring maybe they can negociate for more time. And even if they dont manage to change that, they are focusing on the birth of their baby.
It has been a difficult day... and while it may not be the perfect solution, it may be the right one for her in this case.
Thank you everyone for yor input and support.
Love
Divya
The Sunday before the scheduled C section she did come to my childbirth class... It was the session on labour and birth. She sat through it, albeit distractd. After the class we talked about how we could negociate for more time. While I am not a big fan of ultrasounds... we thought if the next one showed that baby was putting on weight then perhaps we could buy some time.
However, she got admitted to the hospital for the surgery, for some reason she insisted on another ultrasound. "No need since the space is tight, cord loops are tight its rather impossible for status to change".. yet she insisted. Lo beold! no loops or loop any more. At some point I had said that baby inside was a living miracle and we should never underestimated his potential for achievement... So I was the first to get the call that said... "we had checked in the hospital for a C sec but with loops gone .. i have checked myself out"
Aparently the ultrasound expert felt that was a waste of effort since her structure (size, height, hips what ???) was such that she would invariably have a C section.
Changing her doctor was agood choice but it had to be her choice, but it was redundant as a choice here. And she needs support, how can i support her here? that was my bigger dilemma.
I spent last night thinking...
I reinforced that each doctor had their own way of working and it would be unfair to say right or wrong at this time to one or the other, therefore she should discuss it with her husband and then choose. What i gathered was that she had just been through an argument with her extended family about this.
More than making it perfect, it was important to make it right for her. So I suggestd that even though nothing may come of her talk with her doctor and negociation for time, She still had a few days to show her baby that a good world awaited him. I think it was important for her get connected with her baby and reassure him that while all this is going around him, she is still excited about his birth and that no matter how and when it took place, mom is going to be there for him. She was crying and said that it has been over a week that she hadnt thought of her baby as a healthy person, she felt he had been in a ICU unit while she was worrying about his well being. So she and her husband are going to try and spend a lot of time together.. uptil 4th. Also, they intend to speak to the doctor in terms of all other aspects being healthy, and baby growing, and monitoring maybe they can negociate for more time. And even if they dont manage to change that, they are focusing on the birth of their baby.
It has been a difficult day... and while it may not be the perfect solution, it may be the right one for her in this case.
Thank you everyone for yor input and support.
Love
Divya
The Sunday before the scheduled C section she did come to my childbirth class... It was the session on labour and birth. She sat through it, albeit distractd. After the class we talked about how we could negociate for more time. While I am not a big fan of ultrasounds... we thought if the next one showed that baby was putting on weight then perhaps we could buy some time.
However, she got admitted to the hospital for the surgery, for some reason she insisted on another ultrasound. "No need since the space is tight, cord loops are tight its rather impossible for status to change".. yet she insisted. Lo beold! no loops or loop any more. At some point I had said that baby inside was a living miracle and we should never underestimated his potential for achievement... So I was the first to get the call that said... "we had checked in the hospital for a C sec but with loops gone .. i have checked myself out"
Aparently the ultrasound expert felt that was a waste of effort since her structure (size, height, hips what ???) was such that she would invariably have a C section.
Considering that the fluid was adequate, cord and placenta we just fine, the baby was putting on weight, seemed like she was very fine and normal. Few days ago she had a show... the doctor wanted to induce her. This mom negociated and delayed the induction. After all this and much discussion she made the descion (with the support of her family) to change her doctor.
Last night, her waters leaked at around 11 pm. She called me at midnight and the doctor called me as well seperately saying that I should come and support her. There was much flurry around her as I walked into her room. Seemed like her contractions that were good and going had slowed down .. really slowed down. A resident on the floor wanted to help her along..so I was negociating right off the bat.
Last night, her waters leaked at around 11 pm. She called me at midnight and the doctor called me as well seperately saying that I should come and support her. There was much flurry around her as I walked into her room. Seemed like her contractions that were good and going had slowed down .. really slowed down. A resident on the floor wanted to help her along..so I was negociating right off the bat.
As we shut down the lights and got down to foot massage... contraction began again. She laboured through the night dozing in between contractions, contractions never closer than 5 mins, and early morning she had a back ache.
A check in the morning by the doctor showed her to be 7 ... moving to 8 and then to 9 in one contraction. The head was not entirely in position so we got her in all four/ knee chest position.
8:45 am this morning she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 2.95 kg. Baby and mom were resting together as I left the hospital .
A check in the morning by the doctor showed her to be 7 ... moving to 8 and then to 9 in one contraction. The head was not entirely in position so we got her in all four/ knee chest position.
8:45 am this morning she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 2.95 kg. Baby and mom were resting together as I left the hospital .
Thursday, February 26, 2009
A pat on my back
Everytime a couple from my class define their birth as empowering, I feel pride in the work I do. As I looked at this healthy 4 kg + baby in my arms, and back at the bone tired but happy mom and an insanely thrilled dad, I felt good. This couple was from my class. knowing that I am doula they wanted me to be with them at the time of birth. Due to personal reasons (kids exams a big reason) I could not commit to them. However, i assured them that at any time they needed reassuarance or support I was available on the phone.
Mom was induced wednesday morning. She was 41 weeks plus. As she called me the evening before, I had one thing to say to her. Keep your eyes off the clock for at least 12 hours, think of this as a day spa ... eat, drink and rest. At the time she said "oh, I thought I would be instantaneous" Well it wasn't. While something छोटा मोटा did happen all day, it was'nt significant. We talked many times during the day. I kept reinforcing that she should rest, relax, eat and drink. It was around two at night that her bags leaked and right after that the birth business got underway. This mom could'nt settle down at all through the night. Her contractions were most bearable when she was standing.
She called me this morning at 6:30. She was tired, but still could'nt be comfortable sitting. She said that she was fully effaced and the baby was at -1. So I asked how much dilated and she said oh thats not so much, there is time. In my mind I was thinking... well she does'nt sound like earlyish at all.. In fact she sounds almost ready. And she sounds somewhat tight ... tight like tired tense closing up, giving up kind of tight.
So I said take warm shower and if you cant sit.. get on all fours rest your upper body on the ball. I believe she took both my suggestion. Her husband said she would'nt move out of the warm shower till she ran out of hot water. And then she actually was able to catch a nap leaning on the ball.
The pushing was long drawn... but as they recounted their experience it was a pleasure to know that I was a part of this couple's birth. That my classes made them confident. I think that is a measure of success for the class I teach. I thank them for their effort and faith, and sharing their joy with me.
Mom was induced wednesday morning. She was 41 weeks plus. As she called me the evening before, I had one thing to say to her. Keep your eyes off the clock for at least 12 hours, think of this as a day spa ... eat, drink and rest. At the time she said "oh, I thought I would be instantaneous" Well it wasn't. While something छोटा मोटा did happen all day, it was'nt significant. We talked many times during the day. I kept reinforcing that she should rest, relax, eat and drink. It was around two at night that her bags leaked and right after that the birth business got underway. This mom could'nt settle down at all through the night. Her contractions were most bearable when she was standing.
She called me this morning at 6:30. She was tired, but still could'nt be comfortable sitting. She said that she was fully effaced and the baby was at -1. So I asked how much dilated and she said oh thats not so much, there is time. In my mind I was thinking... well she does'nt sound like earlyish at all.. In fact she sounds almost ready. And she sounds somewhat tight ... tight like tired tense closing up, giving up kind of tight.
So I said take warm shower and if you cant sit.. get on all fours rest your upper body on the ball. I believe she took both my suggestion. Her husband said she would'nt move out of the warm shower till she ran out of hot water. And then she actually was able to catch a nap leaning on the ball.
The pushing was long drawn... but as they recounted their experience it was a pleasure to know that I was a part of this couple's birth. That my classes made them confident. I think that is a measure of success for the class I teach. I thank them for their effort and faith, and sharing their joy with me.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Really tuned in Dad
This Saturday I learnt an important lesson from a couple from my childbirth class.
She was in labour, the slow and gentle, start stop kind of labour that I really like. The gentle vibrating energy spread out slowly and steadily, waxing and waning to give her the time to keep up and then finally building up into a crescendo where from life emerges. (Maybe I am reading too many magical mythical books).
She felt this rhythm all night on Thursday and come morning of Friday things slowed down. I met her late afternoon Friday. She was anxious about all this and wanted perhaps some rationale. The hospital staff was trying to help with suggestions of being active or induction. There was conflict in their minds (her and her partners'). And then there was the clock... tick tock.
She was timing and charting her contractions and to add to this medley she was having contraction that were not painful - surprisingly that’s one of the things that was adding to the confusion as well.
Have we ever realised how contractions and pains has become synonymous for the most people.
Hospital Staff: How are your pains?
So how does the mom reply ... lets try couple of versions
Mom: pains are good ... very good, actually I am in extreme pain OR
Mom: Sorry doc... I don’t have much pain... OMG does that mean i'm not doing well.
So coming back to this couple...the "pains" had slowed down, and they were actually writing the timing for each contraction with a footnote of P=painful and WP =without pain. As I walked in I sensed the anxiety... not saw but sensed. Every body looked easy, family was supportive but the anxiety mixed with confusion came off strong from this room. My suggestion was a warm shower, to relax and shut off the clock, and think of them selves as tourist in a hotel room and go out shopping or supper or whatever they wanted, including going home. Anything but thinking about the labour or what’s going on with them. They did most of the above... went out for dinner, took a nap... and come evening she was well on her way to bring her baby into the world. Later that night she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
When I spoke to them the next day.. their recount of the events made me realised that how much tuned the father had gotten to the mom's feelings. He understood how things changed for her as her surroundings, support and thoughts changed. With this heightened sense he also felt isolated in the support he wanted for his wife. At one point he could sense her ... yet some of the people who work day in and say out with women giving birth could not. He felt helpless, unsupported and I think the word he used was traumatised. It brought back the memory of the first woman I supported. It reminded me that in the last four years or so, while I have seen less and less of this, it still is a common occurance in birth. What did he think was really needed - just a little deference to the work of the labouring mom. Eye contact while talking, a touch on the shoulder to say she was doing good, a quick smile, telling her what’s being done before sticking in an injection, a little quiet atmosphere around her...
Looking back, each time she was left alone, uninterrupted and not questioned... she did well
So have we become so insensitive to the vulnerability and strength of the mom that our actions are mechanical and our reactions come from a place of fear?
Huh! ... we have become mechanical and our reactions come from a place of fear. Let’s take ourselves out of maternity wards and labour rooms and then see. Is this what we want in our lives? We all ... moms, dads, doctors, nurses, doulas ... each one of us are humans and unless we find a sense of pride in what we do and passion in our own lives, is it really worth while? As we bring this pride, passion and a sense of humanity in our lives we will bring the same to the birth rooms we work in. It will be a big step in changing how our babies are born.
She was in labour, the slow and gentle, start stop kind of labour that I really like. The gentle vibrating energy spread out slowly and steadily, waxing and waning to give her the time to keep up and then finally building up into a crescendo where from life emerges. (Maybe I am reading too many magical mythical books).
She felt this rhythm all night on Thursday and come morning of Friday things slowed down. I met her late afternoon Friday. She was anxious about all this and wanted perhaps some rationale. The hospital staff was trying to help with suggestions of being active or induction. There was conflict in their minds (her and her partners'). And then there was the clock... tick tock.
She was timing and charting her contractions and to add to this medley she was having contraction that were not painful - surprisingly that’s one of the things that was adding to the confusion as well.
Have we ever realised how contractions and pains has become synonymous for the most people.
Hospital Staff: How are your pains?
So how does the mom reply ... lets try couple of versions
Mom: pains are good ... very good, actually I am in extreme pain OR
Mom: Sorry doc... I don’t have much pain... OMG does that mean i'm not doing well.
So coming back to this couple...the "pains" had slowed down, and they were actually writing the timing for each contraction with a footnote of P=painful and WP =without pain. As I walked in I sensed the anxiety... not saw but sensed. Every body looked easy, family was supportive but the anxiety mixed with confusion came off strong from this room. My suggestion was a warm shower, to relax and shut off the clock, and think of them selves as tourist in a hotel room and go out shopping or supper or whatever they wanted, including going home. Anything but thinking about the labour or what’s going on with them. They did most of the above... went out for dinner, took a nap... and come evening she was well on her way to bring her baby into the world. Later that night she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
When I spoke to them the next day.. their recount of the events made me realised that how much tuned the father had gotten to the mom's feelings. He understood how things changed for her as her surroundings, support and thoughts changed. With this heightened sense he also felt isolated in the support he wanted for his wife. At one point he could sense her ... yet some of the people who work day in and say out with women giving birth could not. He felt helpless, unsupported and I think the word he used was traumatised. It brought back the memory of the first woman I supported. It reminded me that in the last four years or so, while I have seen less and less of this, it still is a common occurance in birth. What did he think was really needed - just a little deference to the work of the labouring mom. Eye contact while talking, a touch on the shoulder to say she was doing good, a quick smile, telling her what’s being done before sticking in an injection, a little quiet atmosphere around her...
Looking back, each time she was left alone, uninterrupted and not questioned... she did well
So have we become so insensitive to the vulnerability and strength of the mom that our actions are mechanical and our reactions come from a place of fear?
Huh! ... we have become mechanical and our reactions come from a place of fear. Let’s take ourselves out of maternity wards and labour rooms and then see. Is this what we want in our lives? We all ... moms, dads, doctors, nurses, doulas ... each one of us are humans and unless we find a sense of pride in what we do and passion in our own lives, is it really worth while? As we bring this pride, passion and a sense of humanity in our lives we will bring the same to the birth rooms we work in. It will be a big step in changing how our babies are born.
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