Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Whose Birth is it anyways?

"We would love to do the childbirth preparation sessions with you but our doctor feels it should not interfere with the Birth"


I had to say "what" a few times aloud and then some more times in my head before I even understood what this means. Frankly I am trying to make sense of this even as I write this blog. Perhaps the blog is my way to putting this in some kind of perspective, hence the title.

Since when does a woman who is preparing for birth, understanding and is willing to participate and work for the birth of the baby become a hindrance?
Since when does birth become the doctors "job"?
Since when do we just ignore that beyond these two players there is a baby, for whom it is the birth is not only the beginning but has long lasting effects?

It seems we're going down a completely new but even more bizarre rabbit hole here. While it took all my will power to react to the statement and those crazy variations of mental "what" helped, I ventured a question of my own.

How do you feel about this?

The question was a bouncer (cricket playing country). Primarily since he wasn't expected to be consulted ....at all. The fact that I did wanted to know his feelings was an alien notion.

One may think he may be pleased that someone cared to consider him in this picture. He wasn't. It seemed like I put him in a corner by that question. What could he feel? What is he supposed to feel? Was it even right to feel anything?

After all his wife was having a baby and the doctor was delivering it, so why ask him what he felt. What did he know about birth, about this class I was leading, about the medical aspects.

Interestingly,
it did not occur to him to question his doctor on this but he did not hesitate to discuss this with me.
Every one wants 'normal' birth ( and that's another discussion in itself ) the hospital effectively use technology and NICU' s as selling points
What does normal mean ... Collectively and individually
Choosing the hospital means convenience, where my doctor works, what my insurance covers, and even how good the room looks
Choosing the doctor... I still haven't figured out what people see when they pick a doctor.

Even more interesting...
Why do we do what we do?
Does this feel good, right or comfortable?
Are our decisions well thought and informed?
Do we feel supported and safe?
Shouldn't birth be about the baby and not a turf war?
Should we not welcome our children with love, joy and faith?
How information on relaxation, coping tools and birth itself would interfere with Birth?

But most interestingly whose Birth is it anyway?

                    
 
It is indeed important we begin to open up, talk and change this now since ancient wisdom and now research shows that how we are born is am important part of who we will be